"Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs on hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate—he has little success in this—but with the other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins, for he sees different (and more) things than do the others; after all, dead as he is in his own lifetime, he is the real survivor. This assumes that he does not need both hands, or more hands than he has, in his struggle against despair."--Kafka



Saturday, March 10, 2012

鬱結


可能年紀大了,敏感的我沒有以往那樣容易抑鬱起來,又或者,是因為工作太忙碌,敏感變得很奢侈。
有智慧的人笑我,你看,陽光好的日子,你就高興起來了。

轉了行,很可能最大的目的是為了自己,那常常在城中感到窒息的自己,和機器(以及機械人)打交道,去上workshop,和有人生智慧的人交談,重整自己的點點滴滴,更明白自己,更會表達自己,鬱結隨之少起來,而就算跌入抑鬱的漩渦內, 也明白那其中有智慧,要自己磨練和學習。

而受折磨嘛,當然是有一半因為自己。

 有時我會笑自己,是不是太傳統,我還是一個很老套的人,很重情義的人,很重視人與人關係的人,例如呢,我還重視尊重、關懷、信任、道義、承諾、責任……而好像呢,這個世代,這些價值變得不合時宜,人生如浮萍,「永遠不朽的,只有風聲、水聲,與無涯的寂寞而已」。

而為什麼又再一次傷害我呢。

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