"Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs on hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate—he has little success in this—but with the other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins, for he sees different (and more) things than do the others; after all, dead as he is in his own lifetime, he is the real survivor. This assumes that he does not need both hands, or more hands than he has, in his struggle against despair."--Kafka



Saturday, April 25, 2009

哀悼過去的「再見不再見」


如果又用眼淚去量度這戲劇的煽情度,我相信答案是「高」。

其實又不是。

當我在未到中場忍不住流淚時,我偷望周遭的觀眾,沒有一個人如我般不停落淚,原來一直在哭的是我。

我又怎能不感動呢?台上的彭秀慧,那麼熟悉,那身影恰巧也是我,逝去的好日子,逝去的朋友,逝去的自己,我也曾經妒忌朋友,也曾經承諾再見,然而最後,沒有再見。

那些曾和你最要好的人,離去了,或疏遠了,或已不復以往的關係了,脆弱的感情,敵不過歲月的摧殘,也敵不過自己(和別人)。

好好哭吧,好好的哀悼。

哀悼我浪費的歲月。

哀悼我的青春。

哀悼我失去的人。

人長大了,學會珍惜,就更害怕失去,用盡各種方法留住愛錫的人在身邊,一邊看戲,一邊想起一張又一張的臉容,從前的旅伴、同事、同學......

我近日在讀「近乎佛教徒」,講無常,向來我相信無常,但面對無常,面對最重要的人和事消逝,能不傷感嗎?

語無倫次了。

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