"Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs on hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate—he has little success in this—but with the other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins, for he sees different (and more) things than do the others; after all, dead as he is in his own lifetime, he is the real survivor. This assumes that he does not need both hands, or more hands than he has, in his struggle against despair."--Kafka



Monday, December 20, 2010

Someone

K:

你知道我當你是我半個親人的。認識了你十二年,這十二年裡,我們一起成長,在與你相處中,我學習什麼是包容、忍耐和寬恕,而我知道,你也在我身上,學習什麼是關顧、放手,我看到你成熟了很多,而那麼多年過去了,我形容我是供夠基金,要從基金裡提錢了,以前是我照顧你,這幾年來,軟弱的是我,倒是你常常照顧我,或者我是從你身上學會了軟弱,橫蠻地以為自己很硬朗是很暴力的,每次看到你不介意老遠的來我家附近用膳,我都很感激。你知道的,有些時候我受了挫折,我也不會第一時間找你,但我知道,你總是我最後後盾,當我受什麼傷害也好,你總不問情由就好好照顧我。我知道,無論你變成什麼樣子,無論你如何現實如何跟我背道而馳,無論世界怎樣變化,我知道我還是當你是最親的友人。

我想了很久,為什麼任何受傷害的情況我都想起你,我明白了,原來無論你變成怎樣,你都還是當我是someone,而太多次了,在世途改變,在人來人往之間,我變成別人的no one,而向來長情的我也就受傷了,我得承認為此我的背部插了很多的刀,但我從不閃避,我知道我這樣做很蠢,但我又不想改。

屬風的我,愛自由卻也欠缺安全感,同樣屬風的你可能就明白了我,竟就成了我的彼岸。

今年年尾要過得好,聖誕快樂。

Y

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