"Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs on hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate—he has little success in this—but with the other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins, for he sees different (and more) things than do the others; after all, dead as he is in his own lifetime, he is the real survivor. This assumes that he does not need both hands, or more hands than he has, in his struggle against despair."--Kafka



Friday, November 26, 2010

這個月的的起初,奮發圖強,愉快喜樂,隨著時間過去,情緒下滑。
一週的星期一至五,上課,與友人用膳,和捧著電話過日子,這些電話都使我頭痛,談到我有想吐的慾望。假日,睡到飽,做功課,沒了,連專誠出街去看「海上傳奇」,都感到失望。工作依舊非常沉悶,越來越想早日辭工,明明城中有有趣的節目,卻沒有精神一看,整天價沒精打采。前兩日友人來電,興奮談著未來的計劃,但事後又感到重重複複以往的事情,有時我都真的想突破一下框框,去年這月這樣說,今年這月又是這樣說,但我又累得什麼都提不起勁,也許太老了吧,過新生活不輕易。
連修行都荒廢了,專注呼吸幾下子就放棄了,都說我不喜歡冬天,也許我需要去跑跑步行行山。

0 comments: