"Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs on hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate—he has little success in this—but with the other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins, for he sees different (and more) things than do the others; after all, dead as he is in his own lifetime, he is the real survivor. This assumes that he does not need both hands, or more hands than he has, in his struggle against despair."--Kafka



Wednesday, February 25, 2009

寫給楊德昌老師的舊信件

親愛的楊德昌老師:

我今天看了你的早期作品「海灘的一天」,廿多年了,寫現代夫妻的婚姻生活在現代看來可真是十分老套的主題,但我不知怎 地,心情沉甸甸的,林佳莉她為了自由而離家出走,到頭來她只是栽進另一個樊籠裡,而令她掙脫,竟然是這樣瞹眛不明的結局,阿財跟她說,就算事實是怎樣, 對她來說也沒有分別。是的,當初她只是純真的少女,跑去跟程德偉結婚,沒想到兩個人的世界越來越不同,直至最後,警察問林佳莉究竟丈夫的近況,她也一無所 知,她對什麼都已經一無所知,其實,無論那屍體是否真的是程德偉,在她而言,他已經死了,看,在譚蔚青邀請她和丈夫去看她表演時,她就說:「三年前他已經 淹死了。」

結婚是如此折磨人,看著林佳莉和程德偉一臉呆板的去註冊結婚,只是在最後時兩手才扣在一起,我就在想,那是怎麼樣的一場婚姻呢,林佳莉跟程德偉結婚,是真的愛他,還是只是逃離那父親迫就的婚姻?

譚蔚青最後說,她看到了林佳莉成長了,蛻變了,我不知怎樣地感到一陣悲哀,林佳莉由娘家,逃到夫家,由夫家逃到事業,又怎知道事業本身是否也只不過是另一個樊籠?她在跟譚蔚青會面時,電話響起,她又得要回公司開會了,她是否真的掙脫了?還是只是她另一個無奈的選擇?

你的影迷上
寫於2008-4-27
完筆於2008-5-9

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